Hi my name is David and I am an approval junkie..
The summary of a book that someone has already written...
The art of saying no
Getting away from destructive people pleasing
Getting out of approval addiction
This is hard, very hard, for many people. Trying to please everybody is like a drug and a very bad drug. Maybe not for the people you please but for yourself. :)
I think every addiction (coffee etc etc) should be self-selected. A conscious selection.
I consciously select to work towards getting better at saying no. Saying yes to everything is just going to result in crap. Failed promises for example, as every destructive addiction.
For this to work you need to have a very clear purpose. A clear understanding of what it is you are working towards and what you want to achieve in life.
Don't change short term pleasure for long term benefit
In todays world when work and pleasure can be so intertwined it is very easy to get caught in short term pleasure. My friend and college Hans-Fredrik (@hangus) said this today in an IM conversation. It has probably been said by many people before him, which just makes it more true.
I believe that this fact is very tightly related with all of the other things mentioned in this post.
Once again, having a clear purpose is a very good way to avoid this problem.
The art of letting go
My first failed business idea was a very tough process to go through. It affected me in every single way. Worse than any previous breakup or loss. Luckily I learned a lot from it as well. It is part of the natural process. Read a business paper and see for yourself. Everyday (even during good times) we hear about failed business ideas, even by the most experiences people. Kudos for trying, kudos for letting go, kudos for trying again!
I read somewhere that a financial advisor to Thatcher once said; “What this country needs is more millionaires and more bankruptcies.” Its just a natural process - and a very necessary process.
Companies that don’t work, business ideas that suck, customers that are incompatible with your services and vision, business partners that just don’t cut it - should all be removed. They will just suck the good out of you. They will stop you from achieving what you want to achieve. Do you know what you want to achieve?
Learn to notice when it is time to let go by documenting things that have gone bad. Determine what you want to achieve and avoid anything that does not assist in achieving that goal.
Want it
Work
Get better
Don’t even try to do something half-heartedly (is that a word?). If your not cut out for it, don’t do it. You risk doing something that don’t inspire you or something that is steering you away from your goal.
or EVEN WORSE.. you are failing at something that really matters to you. And the reason for that might be because you have too much to do. Trying to please too many people - focusing on the wrong things.
